1- In order to swim faster
2- Eliminates tough decisions as to whether to part my hair to the southeast or northwest
3- To prevent my hair from getting tangled in ceiling fans
4- Tired of people worshiping my hair and forgetting my fantastically awesome personality
5- Stops me from negligently using the hair dryer while soaking in the bath tub
6- So I can add barber to my résumé
7- To gain an advantage in cat fights
8- It’s so much easier to get gum out
9- I look ridiculous in hair nets and shower caps
10- Reduces the amount of split ends
11- It validates my campaign of donating shampoo to the homeless
12- To reinvent myself for the spring season
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