My landlord is renting the parking spot out in front of my apartment. I don’t own a car but I was thinking of being proactive and getting it in case someone gets me a Lexus for Christmas
The red sweats were wrinkled on the floor while the green shirt had a gravy stain so they were perfect running clothes as dirty clothes would just get dirtier. Little did I know, I was festively running in the park dressed like Christmas
With Winter starting upon us, call me if you need help “recycling” old Octoberfest or Pumpkin ales to clear refrigerator space for Winter stouts and Christmas ales
My office supply room is holding an incredible Black Friday sale, everything is 100% off! Who wants a stapler or highlighters for Christmas??
Posting "Merry Christmas" on my blog is awesome. I get credit for wishing a happy holiday to millions of my imaginary followers with just the click of a button...... I must rest now
Just remember, if you invested in Candy Cane, Mistletoe or Champagne stocks/bonds, sell, sell, sell! They’re peaking now but will likely plummet in value after the holiday
I may invest the money from the first 8 years instead of getting my nephew a gift. Then with the future lump sum, I’ll buy him a dirt bike for Christmas and become the best uncle ever!
I can’t wait until the holiday season is over, I am so tired of singing Christmas songs in the shower
I drank so much champagne New Years Eve that I was pissing bubbles the next morning
It’s that time of year where I get to try again the New Year’s resolution of drinking no other liquid besides alcohol for an entire year without dying
What’s the opposite of New Year’s Resolutions called? Like something you did that was so awesome this year that’s it’s impossible to improve or were doing so well that you should tone it down because it was embarrassing others. New Years Anti-lution’s?
Sometimes the boss lets us leave a few hours early the day before a holiday weekend. This Christmas I’m hoping for this Friday, we’re let out Wednesday
Maybe I should start my own religion where I just push the same holidays a week later. Now that Christmas is over, the grocery stores and pharmacy are practically giving candy canes, ornaments and garland away
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