I'll Make it Easier For You

In this modern world, I know that time is valuable. With things like work, play, donating blood and all you can eat buffets, before you know it, the month has vanished. If perchance you came across my amazing blog that advances you into a superior PR2AZ (Post Road to Absolute Zero) era, that doesn’t mean there’s sufficient time to express the pleasure gained from it.

That is where this handy blog steps in. It conserves the energy it would have taken to properly express the high satisfaction received. Things that involve an extended effort usually get pushed to the back burner to be resolved in the future. Then a gap of time passes and before long, it becomes too late.

I should know, as I am often found guilty committing the same crime. Once I left a carton of milk on the counter but intended to reseal it and return it to the fridge. Unfortunately, I got distracted accomplishing the easier tasks of lying on the couch and sexting. When the next morning arrived I craved a bowl of cereal for breakfast but it was too late. The milk had spoiled and I was forced to starve.

After learning from my experiences, I have already done the dirty work so you don’t repeat my mistake. I have crafted a preformatted response expressing the gratitude of the imaginary audience that reads my blog. All you have to do is robotically return it to me.

Now that it’s so simple to provide me with suitable acknowledgement it would be silly to delay it for eternity. Instead, you can indefinitely postpone something that has now become more difficult, like changing a light bulb or brushing your teeth. Those chores are more complicated then grasping the mouse, copying the few paragraphs in italics below and pasting them in an email to me.


Dear Talented Pete Lopez,

I want to begin by thanking you for enhancing my life. The entries you have shared in Road to Absolute Zero have been brilliant. Not only have they brought me delight, they have opened my eyes to an advanced perspective on life that I never thought was possible. I consider your writings as teachings and you as my Mentor.

I was sucked in by your opening piece and have never turned back. It’s amazing how your pieces are insightful but yet most of the key components involve pants, plants and pancakes.

Alright, I could go on, so I will. Although there is high consistency in all of your offering, there is none in your publishing schedule. In fear of missing a post, part of my daily routine is checking your blog. Whenever I discover something new, I consider myself a winner that day.

Once again, it is impossible to thank you enough. It’s genius how you recognized my laziness and turned it into my strength. If it wasn’t for your inspiration it would have taken me an infinite amount of time to compose this. Not only are you a superior essayist then me, you also write better as me.

Warm Regards,
Loyal Fan & Mentee

Top Dozen Bad Subway Pickup Lines

-Even though I have a cell phone and a watch on, do you have the time?

-So glad I skipped brushing my teeth this morning or else I would’ve missed you riding this train

-If you can guess the Nickelback song playing on my ipod, I owe you a drink

-There’s nothing more romantic than a homeless man singing for money, may I have this dance?

-Lets play hooky from work, get off at the next stop and try to find pancakes

-Wouldn't you rather tell our future children that we meet me on the subway instead the internet or setup by our mothers?

-If you pull the emergency cord, I’ll give you 10 dollars

-Why doesn't that guy just ride his bike home?

-Since we are trapped in this corner, I just decided that I am going to try to talk to you. What’s the least painful thing I can ask?

-I accidentally passed my stop, let’s just go back to your place

-Help me with this internal dilemma, since this train is crowded, would you be flattered or offended if I inappropriately touched you?

-It’s a little chilly in here with the air conditioning on, would you like to borrow my pants?