The first matter of business of this blog is to convince everyone that my secret obsession of owning a pair of bowling shoes is not peculiar. My goal is to have everybody relating to the predicament because establishing oneself as a recluse who is unfit for society rarely gets the support of an audience.
To accomplish that task, let me suggest a social outcast that’s far stranger. Sure, having bowling shoes puts you in a small bracket amongst the masses, but it’s more acceptable than cross-dressing. I mean what kind of lunatic would wear a basketball jersey to a football game? We’ve all seen that guy in a crowd who is too cool to promote one of the teams playing or wear a neutral sweater. Rather than fitting in, they insist on making a statement for a team that is irrelevant to the situation. Maybe I’d appear a bit wacky arriving to the alley carrying a shoe purse but at least I always wear appropriate attire.
Now after demonstrating how there are far more ridiculous things than owning bowling shoes, let me state my case. The problem is that despite my affection for a pair, it’s difficult to rationalize it being a wise investment. My heart won’t stop beating about how glorious it would be to lace up a pair of my very own but my mind is adamant that there are too many factors against it and it’s smarter to continue renting.
To break this stalemate between passion and intellect, I’ve generated a pros and cons list. This will clearly present all the positive and negative aspects of ownership in a comparable format so that I can make an educated assessment. This will end the internal struggle and I’ll finally be able to put the debate to rest. My time really should really be freed to pursue more substantial concerns. For example straightening up my room or campaigning for a 2012 presidency run.
Alright, in order to make a final decision on whether my feet shall have expensive privacy or economically share the odors of others let me illustrate the pros and cons of buying bowling shoes.
Cons
-Only bowl a handful of times a year
-Need to improve a 100 pin average to disprove looking phony
-They’re not fashionable anywhere else yet besides bowling lanes
-Money would be better served better invested into mutual funds or whiskey
-Gateway to developing the stereotypical professional bowler out of shape body type
-Must carry at all times in case of spur of the moment bowling
-Increases clutter in the shoe rack
-The shoes would dominate conversations and overshadow my shining personality
-Prime target for being sold a matching ball
-A jealous girlfriend may try to sabotage them because they get more attention
-Fake friends would overwhelm me because I have bowling shoes
-May grow a false superiority complex over bowling shoeless people
-Gazing down in awe at them while walking will lead to collisions into others and poles
-Stuck standing around or awkwardly stretching while others wait to rent shoes
-Develop an exotic obsession and waste thousands on shoes like alligator, ballerina and astronaut
-Borrowing by others will stretch them out, especially ones with clown feet
Pros
-Owning bowling shoes would be awesome
Wow, after reviewing all the evidence, it’s still impossible for me to break the deadlock. Lawyers for both the pro and the con side delivered a valid case and as the jury, I remain at an impasse. Looks like it is back to the drawing board and the dilemma lives on. The dusty radiators in my room and the White House will have to keep waiting as I am just a single man. I can only solve one problem at a time
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