Strengths and Weaknesses

There are billions of people in this world but I guarantee that none of them are perfect. Everyone has places they shine, but no one is immune from moments they are dim. Sure, Superman excels in almost every aspect but if you were searching for a camping companion on Mount Kryptonite, he’d be a poor option.

With that being said, I have decided to summarize my strengths and weaknesses to showcase to the world. It’s unfeasible to be successful in every facet of life so I won’t bother trying. Instead, I’m going to publicize my assets and liabilities to inform people of my limitations. This will guide everyone to draw from my expertise and avoid my deficiencies.

For instance, if you desired driving directions more precise then “the freeway is about 5 songs south of here” or a proof reader to check the grammar on you’re résumé, then you’d already know to bypass any of my input. Conversely, if you desired an innovative excuse for a late arrival to the office like “was sidetracked rescuing cute bunnies drowning in the lake” or were doing some Autumn cleaning that required recycling leftover summer ales to clear room for Octoberfest and pumpkin lagers, I’d be the candidate that pops into your head. 

The goal of promoting this list is to confine the expectations held of me. The last thing I want to do is to let anyone down or be misleading. Placing my capabilities in stone will prevent people from assuming that I can aid with something I’m unsuited for. If a friend needed immediate assistance in erecting a shelf on their dining room wall, I’d oblige out of guilt, but the safety of any delicates placed on it would be in jeopardy.

Having an over-fixation on becoming perfect will only result in getting caught hiding weaknesses. That leads to frustrated situations where all parties result in being disappointed. Accepting my failures as a lost cause will guide all attention towards my successes. That will increase positive outcomes as well as smiles all around. Let me stick to my strengths in order to do my part in making the world a flawless place. 

Now without any further delay, here are my strengths and weaknesses:


Strengths 
-Ability to overstand situations
-Remember things the way I want to
-Have an unnatural talent to fall asleep upon command
-Accurately estimate when the headliner will go on stage at a concert
-Am able to compare apples to oranges
-Never worry about something again if told to “never mind”
-Mow my name in script
-Show great enthusiasm towards people’s ideas if I don’t have to do anything
-Bounce back from being told “shut up” very easily
-Am capable of rolling the “R” in any word regardless if it has an “R”
-An asset to help recycle leftover unopened beers from parties
-Can predict the quality of a film based solely on a preview
-Available to take anyone's last minute free extra hockey tickets
-Cheer up pessimists and crush the spirit of optimists
-Answer questions nobody asked
-Can judge a book by cover
 Weaknesses 
-Announce my weaknesses with no intention of improving them
-Poorly reseal open bags of chips or pretzels
-Rarely offer solutions that rely on  sense
-Provide directions that only lead to the vicinity of a destination instead of exactly
-Unable to mentally vision square feet
-Can’t resist the urge to juggle if oranges are spotted
-Confuse Spades and Clubs in poker
-Often shift the blame of my mistakes to inanimate objects or the coworker on maternity
-Forget to account for the weather when dressing in the morning
-Can't write script and don't believe in “tenses”
-Weak sense of smell that is even sometimes wrong
-Can't unlock fences that protect children from falling down stairs
-Tendency to mumble and fail to repeat  louder when asked "What did you say?"
-Distracted too easily by shiny objects and cleavage
-Never execute ideas
-Lose focus in between putting on socks

The Pros and Cons of Owning Bowling Shoes

The first matter of business of this blog is to convince everyone that my secret obsession of owning a pair of bowling shoes is not peculiar. My goal is to have everybody relating to the predicament because establishing oneself as a recluse who is unfit for society rarely gets the support of an audience.

To accomplish that task, let me suggest a social outcast that’s far stranger. Sure, having bowling shoes puts you in a small bracket amongst the masses, but it’s more acceptable than cross-dressing. I mean what kind of lunatic would wear a basketball jersey to a football game? We’ve all seen that guy in a crowd who is too cool to promote one of the teams playing or wear a neutral sweater. Rather than fitting in, they insist on making a statement for a team that is irrelevant to the situation. Maybe I’d appear a bit wacky arriving to the alley carrying a shoe purse but at least I always wear appropriate attire.

Now after demonstrating how there are far more ridiculous things than owning bowling shoes, let me state my case. The problem is that despite my affection for a pair, it’s difficult to rationalize it being a wise investment. My heart won’t stop beating about how glorious it would be to lace up a pair of my very own but my mind is adamant that there are too many factors against it and it’s smarter to continue renting.

To break this stalemate between passion and intellect, I’ve generated a pros and cons list. This will clearly present all the positive and negative aspects of ownership in a comparable format so that I can make an educated assessment. This will end the internal struggle and I’ll finally be able to put the debate to rest. My time really should really be freed to pursue more substantial concerns. For example straightening up my room or campaigning for a 2012 presidency run.

Alright, in order to make a final decision on whether my feet shall have expensive privacy or economically share the odors of others let me illustrate the pros and cons of buying bowling shoes.


Cons
-Only bowl a handful of times a year
-Need to improve a 100 pin average to disprove looking phony
-They’re not fashionable anywhere else yet besides bowling lanes
-Money would be better served better invested into mutual funds or whiskey
-Gateway to developing the stereotypical professional bowler out of shape body type
-Must carry at all times in case of spur of the moment bowling
-Increases clutter in the shoe rack
-The shoes would dominate conversations and overshadow my shining personality
-Prime target for being sold a matching ball
-A jealous girlfriend may try to sabotage them because they get more attention
-Fake friends would overwhelm me because I have bowling shoes
-May grow a false superiority complex over bowling shoeless people
-Gazing down in awe at them while walking will lead to collisions into others and poles
-Stuck standing around or awkwardly stretching while others wait to rent shoes
-Develop an exotic obsession and waste thousands on shoes like alligator, ballerina and astronaut
-Borrowing by others will stretch them out, especially ones with clown feet


Pros
-Owning bowling shoes would be awesome


Wow, after reviewing all the evidence, it’s still impossible for me to break the deadlock. Lawyers for both the pro and the con side delivered a valid case and as the jury, I remain at an impasse. Looks like it is back to the drawing board and the dilemma lives on. The dusty radiators in my room and the White House will have to keep waiting as I am just a single man. I can only solve one problem at a time