A Short Puppy Tale

A few weeks ago while strolling through the park I passed a gated area reserved for canines. Inside, one of the larger dogs was jumping all over a smaller one. As I was observing, I overheard their owners chatting. The one with the larger hound explained “Oh, no need to worry, that’s just how Ruford plays.”

The other owner accepted the justification and seemed unfazed as her tiny mutt was ravaged.

Eventually Ruford grew tired of pounding on his playmate and the parties separated. Owners and pets headed home and it was just another day in the park.

intermission………

Later that evening, my mother stopped by my apartment which is on the 23rd floor of a high rise building. After deciding we were too hungry to rely on my culinary skills, we headed out for dinner.

As we rode the elevator down my building, to my pleasant surprise, it stopped to pickup an attractive female. Out of instinct I leaped from the corner and pounced on her. As she developed a look of fear in her eyes, my mother stepped in and calmly said “Don’t worry, it’s only my son, he’s just playing.”

Art Gallery

I like to title this picture "I don't like putting my socks away after doing laundry on red canvas"

Something I did not know

I like to call this picture "How to get out of the office early on a friday if I were dyslexic"

Green sneakers on a stool next to a bottle of ajax

The second longest word I have ever seen right after Hgbniudnnngaionepmknbbd

A Dozen Ways to Make Soccer More Exciting

-A new punishment scale of yellow card, red card, the chair

-Instead of calling it Off-sides, change it to Treason

-Goalies are required to wear oven mitts rather than gloves

-One of the refs is legally blind, but nobody knows which

-Each team has one spy who wears the other’s uniform

-Landmines

-Same rules as a public pool, no diving or peeing allowed on the field

-Enforcement of sharpening both cleats and fingernails

-Losing team votes one of their players to shave their head or to prison

-Teams can only pass the ball backwards during designated fan beer breaks

-It’s legal to injure someone during injury time

-A second soccer ball is added to the field if the first half is scoreless



*I call this picture soccer streaming live from my microwave