-A new punishment scale of yellow card, red card, the chair
-Instead of calling it Off-sides, change it to Treason
-Goalies are required to wear oven mitts rather than gloves
-One of the refs is legally blind, but nobody knows which
-Each team has one spy who wears the other’s uniform
-Landmines
-Same rules as a public pool, no diving or peeing allowed on the field
-Enforcement of sharpening both cleats and fingernails
-Losing team votes one of their players to shave their head or to prison
-Teams can only pass the ball backwards during designated fan beer breaks
-It’s legal to injure someone during injury time
-A second soccer ball is added to the field if the first half is scoreless
*I call this picture soccer streaming live from my microwave
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