Although it’s obvious, just in case a tiny bit of clarification on the above acronym is needed, it stands for……
Seasons Greetings and I wish everyone who reads this* a very Merry Christmas with a sleigh full of joy, cheer and a small stocking of coal (nobody is perfect)
*I hold no ill tidings towards anyone who doesn’t read this, I am just assuming that they will never know and I would never get credit for it
Once again, Feliz Navidad and remember to celebrate the holidays irresponsibly as overdosing on eggnog and streaking through the neighborhood wrapped in garland provide a great inspiration for 2011 New Year’s Resolutions. (OGFN&RTCTHIAOOE&STTNWIGPAGIF2011NYR)
-pete
Friday, December 24, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Top Dozen "So I Thought's"
I- So I thought, if the chick is gonna take her top off, she should just leave it off for the rest of the movie, I mean if I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousand times
II- So I thought, planning ahead may have helped me find mom a better gift, but picking up one on her birthday will surely allow it to be the freshest
III- So I thought, big people always want to settle disputes with violence, I would do so much better if the resolution was battled through a game of Connect 4
IV- So I thought, if someone ever asked for three things about me, one of them would be that my favorite zoo animal is the orangutan
V- So I thought, if I press deny for the ATM receipt, I can still easily assume that my remaining balance is safely over a million dollars
VI- So I thought, the most difficult part of creating a time machine must be having the patience to wait around for yourself to show up with the instructions
VII- So I thought, I would be great at elevator standup in a medium rise building, I have about seven floors worth of material before I repeat or get awkwardly silent
VIII- So I thought, I could write a 500 page diet book with all the pages blank except one where it reads, we all know if you lay on the couch eating greasy chips all day, you're going to get fat
IX- So I thought, waking up and doing pushups every morning is a great idea the night before
X- So I thought, I get way too proud of myself if I successfully converse with a stranger without saying anything stupid
XI- So I thought, I could predict the future, until I realized my ipod wasn't on shuffle, it was on a playlist I made yesterday with songs I wanted to hear
XII- So I thought, sometimes in life there has to be sacrifice so if I have to murder a live chicken in order to squeeze into my suit pants for an interview, I'll do it
-pete
II- So I thought, planning ahead may have helped me find mom a better gift, but picking up one on her birthday will surely allow it to be the freshest
III- So I thought, big people always want to settle disputes with violence, I would do so much better if the resolution was battled through a game of Connect 4
IV- So I thought, if someone ever asked for three things about me, one of them would be that my favorite zoo animal is the orangutan
V- So I thought, if I press deny for the ATM receipt, I can still easily assume that my remaining balance is safely over a million dollars
VI- So I thought, the most difficult part of creating a time machine must be having the patience to wait around for yourself to show up with the instructions
VII- So I thought, I would be great at elevator standup in a medium rise building, I have about seven floors worth of material before I repeat or get awkwardly silent
VIII- So I thought, I could write a 500 page diet book with all the pages blank except one where it reads, we all know if you lay on the couch eating greasy chips all day, you're going to get fat
IX- So I thought, waking up and doing pushups every morning is a great idea the night before
X- So I thought, I get way too proud of myself if I successfully converse with a stranger without saying anything stupid
XI- So I thought, I could predict the future, until I realized my ipod wasn't on shuffle, it was on a playlist I made yesterday with songs I wanted to hear
XII- So I thought, sometimes in life there has to be sacrifice so if I have to murder a live chicken in order to squeeze into my suit pants for an interview, I'll do it
-pete
Friday, December 10, 2010
A Lesson From Pete Lopez
The lesson I am offering is fairly simple but quite often overlooked. It's not to relax until the getting ready process has been completed. If there is some spare time before work, a pool party, volunteering at a soup kitchen or whatever, then it's a best to prioritize. Don't let lying face down half naked on your mattress or watching a vampire love story hamper straightening a tie, shaving legs or putting on a smock.
A common mistake is noticing they there is an extra hour before departure and believing that’s sufficient for some quality relaxing. Experience has taught me that relaxing minutes tend to rapidly disappear. They’re not painfully counted like when waiting behind a customer at the deli playing every Lotto combination imaginable. In relaxation mode, before you know it, fun time has vanished but yet you’re still in pajamas and have maple syrup in your hair.
To counteract this, my advice is to substitutive getting ready into the first step. This makes a hell of a lot more sense. I bet on numerous occasions rushing around in frenzy resulted because you got carried away with leisure time. Suddenly, you’re forced to cut corners like supplying only the dominant arm with deodorant, leaving on your socks when putting on sandals or driving recklessly with the hazard lights on.
Also something unexpected can occur during preparation forcing even more time to elapse. Maybe eating pancakes caused fatigue, the vampire movie runs long or the drapes catch on fire. In all honesty, it is none of my business what went wrong nor will I confirm if any of these examples are personal. There is no need to embarrass anyone as the point of this is to help everyone arrive at destinations safe, prepared and timely.
As a final note, if you have avoided my advice and lateness is inevitable, never contact the party to inform them. At first this may seem rude but believe me, it's the lesser of two evils. After a successful call is made requesting bonus minutes, the normal tendency is to slip back into a recreational mode. Thus the cycle spins again and you’re logged onto Facebook commenting on a picture of a friend’s hat, sipping a post pancake mimosa or reading a blog that provides blatantly obvious hindsight information. Showing up tardy is impolite but arriving later than an extension is far worse.
Alright let me wrap this up. Unfortunately, sharing this lesson to the world has exceeded the time allotted. I should be showered, dressed and smelling like a peach for a date by now. Luckily, I am remaining calm since I know that passing on a stop for flowers and not warning her of my delay will save me from her anger. I am positive she will applaud the effort I made to be timely.
In conclusion, be on the lookout for future lessons such as “Untied Shoelaces-Deadly Consequences” and “Check Your Face for Shaving Cream before Leaving Home.” Until then, always be ready.
A common mistake is noticing they there is an extra hour before departure and believing that’s sufficient for some quality relaxing. Experience has taught me that relaxing minutes tend to rapidly disappear. They’re not painfully counted like when waiting behind a customer at the deli playing every Lotto combination imaginable. In relaxation mode, before you know it, fun time has vanished but yet you’re still in pajamas and have maple syrup in your hair.
To counteract this, my advice is to substitutive getting ready into the first step. This makes a hell of a lot more sense. I bet on numerous occasions rushing around in frenzy resulted because you got carried away with leisure time. Suddenly, you’re forced to cut corners like supplying only the dominant arm with deodorant, leaving on your socks when putting on sandals or driving recklessly with the hazard lights on.
Also something unexpected can occur during preparation forcing even more time to elapse. Maybe eating pancakes caused fatigue, the vampire movie runs long or the drapes catch on fire. In all honesty, it is none of my business what went wrong nor will I confirm if any of these examples are personal. There is no need to embarrass anyone as the point of this is to help everyone arrive at destinations safe, prepared and timely.
As a final note, if you have avoided my advice and lateness is inevitable, never contact the party to inform them. At first this may seem rude but believe me, it's the lesser of two evils. After a successful call is made requesting bonus minutes, the normal tendency is to slip back into a recreational mode. Thus the cycle spins again and you’re logged onto Facebook commenting on a picture of a friend’s hat, sipping a post pancake mimosa or reading a blog that provides blatantly obvious hindsight information. Showing up tardy is impolite but arriving later than an extension is far worse.
Alright let me wrap this up. Unfortunately, sharing this lesson to the world has exceeded the time allotted. I should be showered, dressed and smelling like a peach for a date by now. Luckily, I am remaining calm since I know that passing on a stop for flowers and not warning her of my delay will save me from her anger. I am positive she will applaud the effort I made to be timely.
In conclusion, be on the lookout for future lessons such as “Untied Shoelaces-Deadly Consequences” and “Check Your Face for Shaving Cream before Leaving Home.” Until then, always be ready.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Doesn’t it suck…..
….. when your boss drops by unannounced and besides pointless small talk
bout the unseasonable weather, he nominates you for a monotonous project
that even an untrained monkey could handle because he is obviously jealous
of your superior looks and fashion sense, nevertheless you bite your
tongue since he is like Lord of the company and spit out a “yes Sir, it’s
my top priority”, although you have no intention of rushing since he’ll
never witness the final output given that it’s being delivered directly to
the client, so after his majesty departs, you toss the project in disgust
towards the “to do area” of your desk to finish before the close of the
business day, but unfortunately it gets shuffled around into a mass of
paperwork because a big weaknesses of yours is maintaining a neat work
station, hence you don’t rediscover the assignment until a week later
while rummaging through that same heap for a Chinese food menu and in fit
of horror think aloud, “Oh shit, I never did this”, however after calming
down, you’re convinced it’s no big deal because you’ll email the client a
baloney story stating that “systems” were down but the malfunctioning G42
processor has just been repaired and the report is coming shortly, thus
you begin effectively working on the task after finishing your chicken and
broccoli, except about a quarter of the way through, your progress smacks
into a brick wall after a vital statistic such as gross average annual dew
point variance gets smeared illegible by duck sauce, therefore you’ll have
to re-request the indecipherable info from the Lord, which will most
likely flare his temper into a rage about why the job wasn’t finished ages
ago and he’ll proclaim you as nothing but a two bit peasant, so in
hypothetical retrospect you contemplate whether you can instead guess the
lacking data as well as create worse case scenarios with your presumptions
ranging from slightly inaccurate to senseless of how much trouble you can
get in and if the reprimand for using the imaginary figures is harsher
then informing management the project was still incomplete due to your
negligence, which leads to conducting a truth or guess option
comparison where you eventually decide on the risky proposition of
approximating the unknown numbers while crossing your fingers in hopes
that the next time you reflect back upon this situation it will be months
later while relaxing on the beach, thinking since you never heard anything
further that it’s safe to assume your estimates were in the right
ballpark, however that night your conscious kicks in causing nightmares
that your charade was the origin of a series of events that led the
company to file bankruptcy and the staff imprisoned in the Lord’s dungeon,
which consequently has you waking in the morning covered in sweat and
anonymously typing a long run-on sentence confessing guilt of illegal
guesstimate tactics in the first degree until a frenzied sprint to work
occurs when you become aware that it will be far more detrimental to your
case if the your highness summons you into his royal office to lecture you
about your incompetence, yet you are unavailable from the tardiness of
writing this idiocy, so you conclude that you better wrap this up, skip
the proof read, throw on a pair of unstained pants and head to work even
though you are certain this ramble is poorly stitched together by commas
and transitions as smoothly as a boy into puberty, but nonetheless
all time has elapsed and you post this blog in it’s present format because
although your heart is not into your “real job”, it surely pays a higher
salary than constructing an elongated sentence that you are clueless as to
whether it should close with a period or question mark?
-anonymous
bout the unseasonable weather, he nominates you for a monotonous project
that even an untrained monkey could handle because he is obviously jealous
of your superior looks and fashion sense, nevertheless you bite your
tongue since he is like Lord of the company and spit out a “yes Sir, it’s
my top priority”, although you have no intention of rushing since he’ll
never witness the final output given that it’s being delivered directly to
the client, so after his majesty departs, you toss the project in disgust
towards the “to do area” of your desk to finish before the close of the
business day, but unfortunately it gets shuffled around into a mass of
paperwork because a big weaknesses of yours is maintaining a neat work
station, hence you don’t rediscover the assignment until a week later
while rummaging through that same heap for a Chinese food menu and in fit
of horror think aloud, “Oh shit, I never did this”, however after calming
down, you’re convinced it’s no big deal because you’ll email the client a
baloney story stating that “systems” were down but the malfunctioning G42
processor has just been repaired and the report is coming shortly, thus
you begin effectively working on the task after finishing your chicken and
broccoli, except about a quarter of the way through, your progress smacks
into a brick wall after a vital statistic such as gross average annual dew
point variance gets smeared illegible by duck sauce, therefore you’ll have
to re-request the indecipherable info from the Lord, which will most
likely flare his temper into a rage about why the job wasn’t finished ages
ago and he’ll proclaim you as nothing but a two bit peasant, so in
hypothetical retrospect you contemplate whether you can instead guess the
lacking data as well as create worse case scenarios with your presumptions
ranging from slightly inaccurate to senseless of how much trouble you can
get in and if the reprimand for using the imaginary figures is harsher
then informing management the project was still incomplete due to your
negligence, which leads to conducting a truth or guess option
comparison where you eventually decide on the risky proposition of
approximating the unknown numbers while crossing your fingers in hopes
that the next time you reflect back upon this situation it will be months
later while relaxing on the beach, thinking since you never heard anything
further that it’s safe to assume your estimates were in the right
ballpark, however that night your conscious kicks in causing nightmares
that your charade was the origin of a series of events that led the
company to file bankruptcy and the staff imprisoned in the Lord’s dungeon,
which consequently has you waking in the morning covered in sweat and
anonymously typing a long run-on sentence confessing guilt of illegal
guesstimate tactics in the first degree until a frenzied sprint to work
occurs when you become aware that it will be far more detrimental to your
case if the your highness summons you into his royal office to lecture you
about your incompetence, yet you are unavailable from the tardiness of
writing this idiocy, so you conclude that you better wrap this up, skip
the proof read, throw on a pair of unstained pants and head to work even
though you are certain this ramble is poorly stitched together by commas
and transitions as smoothly as a boy into puberty, but nonetheless
all time has elapsed and you post this blog in it’s present format because
although your heart is not into your “real job”, it surely pays a higher
salary than constructing an elongated sentence that you are clueless as to
whether it should close with a period or question mark?
-anonymous
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