Doesn’t it suck…..

….. when your boss drops by unannounced and besides pointless small talk

bout the unseasonable weather, he nominates you for a monotonous project

that even an untrained monkey could handle because he is obviously jealous

of your superior looks and fashion sense, nevertheless you bite your

tongue since he is like Lord of the company and spit out a “yes Sir, it’s

my top priority”, although you have no intention of rushing since he’ll

never witness the final output given that it’s being delivered directly to

the client, so after his majesty departs, you toss the project in disgust

towards the “to do area” of your desk to finish before the close of the

business day, but unfortunately it gets shuffled around into a mass of

paperwork because a big weaknesses of yours is maintaining a neat work

station, hence you don’t rediscover the assignment until a week later

while rummaging through that same heap for a Chinese food menu and in fit

of horror think aloud, “Oh shit, I never did this”, however after calming

down, you’re convinced it’s no big deal because you’ll email the client a

baloney story stating that “systems” were down but the malfunctioning G42

processor has just been repaired and the report is coming shortly, thus

you begin effectively working on the task after finishing your chicken and

broccoli, except about a quarter of the way through, your progress smacks

into a brick wall after a vital statistic such as gross average annual dew

point variance gets smeared illegible by duck sauce, therefore you’ll have

to re-request the indecipherable info from the Lord, which will most

likely flare his temper into a rage about why the job wasn’t finished ages

ago and he’ll proclaim you as nothing but a two bit peasant, so in

hypothetical retrospect you contemplate whether you can instead guess the

lacking data as well as create worse case scenarios with your presumptions

ranging from slightly inaccurate to senseless of how much trouble you can

get in and if the reprimand for using the imaginary figures is harsher

then informing management the project was still incomplete due to your

negligence, which leads to conducting a truth or guess option

comparison where you eventually decide on the risky proposition of

approximating the unknown numbers while crossing your fingers in hopes

that the next time you reflect back upon this situation it will be months

later while relaxing on the beach, thinking since you never heard anything

further that it’s safe to assume your estimates were in the right

ballpark, however that night your conscious kicks in causing nightmares

that your charade was the origin of a series of events that led the

company to file bankruptcy and the staff imprisoned in the Lord’s dungeon,

which consequently has you waking in the morning covered in sweat and

anonymously typing a long run-on sentence confessing guilt of illegal

guesstimate tactics in the first degree until a frenzied sprint to work

occurs when you become aware that it will be far more detrimental to your

case if the your highness summons you into his royal office to lecture you

about your incompetence, yet you are unavailable from the tardiness of

writing this idiocy, so you conclude that you better wrap this up, skip

the proof read, throw on a pair of unstained pants and head to work even

though you are certain this ramble is poorly stitched together by commas

and transitions as smoothly as a boy into puberty, but nonetheless

all time has elapsed and you post this blog in it’s present format because

although your heart is not into your “real job”, it surely pays a higher

salary than constructing an elongated sentence that you are clueless as to

whether it should close with a period or question mark?



-anonymous