Top Dozen "So I Told"

Since my last list of "so I saids" was so successful (in my mind), I thought let me do a list of "so I tolds." They are inferior to the last batch cause I kind of feel announcing who they are intended to diminishes the statement. Anyway, let me close this introduction because it's never an idea to tell an audience that what they are about to read sucks more than the previous. As a final note, any of this list that makes me look irresponsible is highly exaggerated and you are better off thinking the opposite is true



I- so I told my barber, I had no idea there was a big pimple on the back of my neck, I felt nothing when you repeatedly mowed over it with the razor

II- so I told my accountant, I write a blog that has 5 followers, please list my laptop, paper and my author writing robe as tax write offs

III- so I told my ex-girlfriend, when I said I think we should see other people I meant just me, you should still be in remorse

IV- so I told my boyfriend, I am not gay, I just make believe you have a female penis

VI- so I told my mugger, all I have is a hundred, the least you can do is give me some change back

VII- so I told my toaster, for the millionth time, it's not a smart idea for us to shower together

VIII- so I told my class, if anyone has any questions, I am sure they are great ones. Farewell

IX- so I told my bartender, when you're calling me a cab home then you might as well call my boss too cause I ain't making to work tomorrow

X- so I told my dentist, I'd rather be at the dentist then here

XI- so I told my guest, of course the bathroom appears dirty, I haven't cleaned it in months

XII- so I told my roommate, be careful when you get home, I have frozen the hallway and am holding a curling tournament